Oh those crazy holiday traditions

Memories of cozy evenings around the fire after a laughter filled festive day. Reminiscing about how crazy uncle (insert name here) fell asleep in his chair having eaten so much and the something something happened, you get the idea… joy , joy, laugh, laugh, etc. etc.

Not in my family. This is the story of an attempt to start a tradition that didn’t.

We move into a new house, it’s a large house and we are having a large Christmas party, so we decide that we need two Christmas trees making the two main rooms in the house super festive no matter where the guests are. Both rooms will have a fire burning, a tree sparkling and the sound of good cheer all around – for those of you looking for the house to burn down – or a drunk fire related burn story – this is not it.

Anyway, I suggest that this coming Saturday, the Saturday after Thanksgiving, we, the family (there are 4 of us, two 30 something adults and two boys, a 7 yr old and a 9 yr old) walk down the road to the local Church and buy two large trees and bring them home – short walk, cool fresh air on a November morning, effort to carry them back, bonding, laughing, joy, joy, etc. etc. A new tradition is born. Fond memories and doing it with the grand kids in 30 yrs.

Not so fast there Skippy, here’s what I missed.

  • That short walk is probably a mile – maybe almost two. Let’s call it a solid three miles round trip.
  • That particular November morning was 24 degrees cold.
  • It’s cash only at the church – so I needed to walk an additional 15 mins to the ATM (you think I’m going to say I forgot my card or it wasn’t working… I didn’t and it was, thank goodness).

Here’s what I really should have known.

  • Eight to nine foot Fur Trees are VERY heavy.
  • New, fresh Fur Trees have razor sharp pine needles – cut right through the coat and gloves sharp
  • The trees were wide, so to get a good grip you had to get your arms through the razor sharp needles and grab the sap oozing trunk of the tree.
  • My petite wife, and the two young lads couldn’t lift one of the trees – let alone trying to carry two with just two people to it.

Here’s what I totally missed.

  • The crying.
  • It started with the 7 yr old as he got a branch of razor sharp needles to the face, followed by my wife who was frozen to the bone quickly followed by my 9 yr old, whose top lip began to quiver with the pain of the entire event and the frustration he heard in the tone of his father’s voice.

We dragged the trees the 2 miles home, through the neighbor’s yard and reached the promised land of our back porch where the tree stands and dog were waiting, I’m not sure if it was exhaustion, relief, or the realization my family would not be speaking with me for a number of days, I knelt on the frozen ground and wept like a baby.

We never did that again.

Now buy my snowflakes decals – make that your tradition.